Sunday, August 16, 2009

So you say the present's just a pleasant Interruption to the past

So I am watching Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami on E!
and it makes me glad my mother only had one other
daughter. These girls have so much money and can do
basically whatever they want...oh not to mention that they
are pretty old and still argue like they are still teenagers, well
Khloe is still young but still!
Today was weird if I could say so myself. Scott came over so
I could cut his hair, (Yes he trusts me with his hair). Everything
was great he was sweet like usual and then he left and blahhhhh.
I think I am unsual and not a normal person because of my dad
passing away, its kinda screwed up my brain and how I think.
But I hate being alone and today was one of those days where
I just didnt want to be alone at all. Our friend called and invited
us to go to the lake and on a boat. Great! I called Scott told
him to get more info. Well as me and my brother and mom were
at Target I remembered me and the water and being on a boat
do not mix well, especially since I hadnt eaten all day and I wasnt
sure if there was going to be food. So I texted Scott told him that
I kinda didnt want to go due to the sea sick thing. Now this is the
part where I am not sure if I should have reacted the way I did.
I thought that Scott being my boyfriend would choose to stay off'
of the boat and hang out with me right? WRONG! haha he left
with them and I was stuck at home sitting and doing nothing.
I was pissed like no other and couldnt help but mope around like
a little girl who didnt get what she wanted when she wanted it.
I didnt want to make a big deal like I did but I could not help it.
I was being short with him when we talked on the phone and
also when he would txt me...I know, I know childishhhhhh by far!
I serously even thought about turning off my phone and going to
bed, but I know that he would get pissed and then it would be
another thing to deal with and I hate fighting for no reason.
We finally...well I finally got over it and we made up. But still I want
to try to fix my little clingy ways. I want Scott to be able to do his thing
and if I want to do things with out him I can. Only! I can not picture
doing things alone and him not with me, and not because I need
to have him or anyone with me but just because I want him to
experience things with me. I think of my dad and how he died
so young and Im sure when he found out he didnt have much
longer on this earth he tryed to soak everything up before he left.
I try to live my life that way though and sometimes it gets in the
way of kinda of just living life for me. Holding Scotts hand isnt
just holding his hand to me, or kissing him isnt just kissing the person
I love. I have to be so techniqual with everything I do haha. Enough of
my personal love life and my messed up brain.
So my song of the day is by
Something Corporate
and the song is called Konstantine

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